


ALL I WANTED TODAY WAS TO RELAX AND DRINK COFFEE

by SarcasticMalaise



Category: Homestuck
Genre: F/M, M/M, and also just likes licking people cuz she's terezi, dave is a recording artist, karkat is a journalist for a snazzy paper, terezi has hyperosmia, terezi is an artist, um, yay relationships
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-08
Updated: 2016-03-08
Packaged: 2018-05-25 10:08:55
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,279
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6190783
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SarcasticMalaise/pseuds/SarcasticMalaise
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Karkat gets up in the morning and wants coffee. His roommate wants to have a serious discussion. THIS IS PROBABLY TERRIBLE JUST WARNIN YA FOLKS</p>
            </blockquote>





	ALL I WANTED TODAY WAS TO RELAX AND DRINK COFFEE

Your name is Karkat Vantas. You have a variety of interests, such as romcoms, romcoms and romcoms. Occasionally, you will watch a romcom. 

You woke up this morning with the full expectation of having the house to yourself. You figured Dave, the roommate who usually stays somewhere else but seems to have moved in permanently after he got kicked out of the last apartment for playing his music (he is a recording artist, way too obsessed with his own music and irony, of all things) full volume out of the giant speakers Terezi got him for Christmas, would sleep in until noon. You also figured Terezi would be at work. You can see, however, that Terezi is asleep in her bed and Dave is not. Maybe you will finally get some peace and quiet. 

That was a lie. You do like to have Dave around. But you would never admit that to anyone else. 

You need black coffee desperately. It's one of those things you need to function. You are not fully sane without coffee. Which reminds you, you are not fully sane. 

You walk to the kitchen and smell coffee. You walk towards the scent. Terezi would be proud of you. She developed hyperosmia after she went blind. She was way to involved with the arachnid gang for her own good. It might almost be a good thing the leader (Virski? Vraska? Vriska?) poked her eyes out. Now she has a decent job and a decent life as an artist, and damn her paintings are good. (You would never admit that to anyone else, either) You would never forgive yourself if she got hurt or died. You l... like her way to much for that. 

You stumble. Damn it! Your computer got between you and your coffee. You would step on it, but that would waste time. Besides, you need to finish that editorial by tomorrow. You are a journalist. You specialize in writing editorials. Your signature is all caps, and you tend to rave about how terrible things are. 

Finally, you reach forward blindly and grab a mug to pour some coffee, when you are apprehended by Dave. 

"hey, kitkat" he greets you. 

"I TOLD YOU NOT TO CALL ME THAT!" You snarl. Your hatred for that name is dramatically increased by the lack of coffee in your system. "I can almost hear the shit capitalization in your words, you know," you grouch. 

"i doubt you can hear capitalization, karkles." He says condescendingly. 

"SHUT THE FUCK UP AND LET ME DRINK MY COFFEE IN PEACE" you growl at him. 

"no can do, bro. you and i and i and you needa have a conversation with a certain blue blooded trolless" He says.

"...Trolless?" You ask

"is that an actual term you guys use or am i just makin' that up?" he asks

"I'm pretty sure you make up all the things you say," you snark.

"I don't know what you're talkin' about. A preacher who's taken a truth serum couldn't possibly be more truthful than me" he says innocently, eyes widened, his hands crossed over his heart. 

"What's this talk about, anyways." You deadpan. 

"It's a secret," he says mysteriously. You honestly couldn't care less. If you cared any less you would probably die of boredom. You tell him as much. He is not offended. He rarely is. Just more sarcastic. Kinda like Lalonde. 

You sip your coffee. You can feel its magic beginning to work. Now you feel like punching Strider instead of stabbing him. It's a big increase for you. 

"TZ! you up?" Dave-The-Prick-Strider yells. 

"You dumbass, she's probably sleeping," you say, smacking him. 

"right, right" he says. And now he is walking towards the kitchen. You wonder why. 

Just kidding. 

He takes out a bucket. 

"STRIDER WHAT THE EVERLOVING FUCK ARE YOU DOING?!?" You yell, alarmed, before remembering that humans don't have the same cultural implications (or uses) for buckets. 

"geez bro chill. i know trolls freak over buckets, but nothing freak worthy is happenin' with this bucket" Dave laughs. That bastard, you think. That spineless fucking nooksniffer. 

"FUCK YOU" You grumble. (okay it was less of a grumble and more of a shout but you haven't finished your coffee yet and don't have volume control) He just laughs and fills the bucket (you blush at the thought) with water. Now you and Dave walk to the bedroom. Dave walks over to Terezi's sleeping form. You think about asking what he's doing, but he turns the bucket over on her head before you can do anything. 

"Yum, I smell a cool kid!" Terezi slurs groggily. She doesn't seem fazed by the bucket load of water on her. Well, she isn't fazed by much. 

"yep, dave strider, certified cool kid, smell, taste and looks cool. full guarantee. if any of the above is not there, we will return your money" Dave says. You are not sure how he keeps a straight face when he says that. It's too ridiculous for you to keep a straight face. 

"And I smell a delicious candy blooded troll, too" She grins. 

"WILL YOU SHUT UP ABOUT MY BLOOD" you yell angrily, the thought of your coffee temporarily dissipated. "YOU DIDNT SAY ANYTHING ABOUT DAVES AND HE HAS THE SAME COLOR I DO, YOU KNOW" 

"Oh, is that right?" She smirks. "So, which one of you candy reds dumped water on me?" 

"cant you smell the fingerprints or something?" Dave asks, amused half grin on his face. 

Terezi sniffs the bucket. "Nope! You smudged them! I can smell cool on them, though" Her predatory grin is a bit scary. Or at least that's what you would think if you weren't so DAMN GRUMPY. You should probably make another cup of coffee. 

"well shit you caught me TZ," Strider smirks. 

"ARENT WE SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING A FUCKING TALK CUZ IF WERE NOT IM GETTING MORE COFFEE AND DONT FUCKING TRY TO STOP ME ASSHATS" You suddenly interrupt this moronic exchange. 

"well, kitkat seems to have brought us on track" the obnoxious moron says. "i have something important we need to talk about, and obviously no one else is gonna bring it up." he says, then hesitates. 

"WHAT IS IT?" You say, suddenly interested. 

"Yeah, coolkid, now I'm interested. Or should I lick the truth outta you?" Terezi leans forward conspiratorially. 

"well..." Dave stalls. 

"HURRY UP" you yell. 

"um." you have never seen Dave (you mean Strider) flustered before. It almost looks like he... regrets bringing this up. 

"You can't have woken me up for nothing, Dave." Terezi frowns, a practiced little curve that means she's not really unhappy. "Now I'm curious and very wet."

Dave tries his hardest not to comment on this slip of the tongue. You wonder where you picked up on this unfortunate piece of human culture. You very much regret learning it. 

"i wanted to say that i have been feelin' attracted to ya both" Dave says. You take the time to notice his accent get thicker before what he just said sunk in. 

"Hahaha" Terezi laughs. 

"terezi, these are some real feelins here not cool to laugh ya know" Dave frowns. 

"I am too!" She laughs at him. "Both of you are morons! You, at least shoulda figured me out, Mr. Romcoms" She turns to you. 

"WELL ME TOO I THOUGHT YOU WERE ALL INSENSITIVE FUCKASSES OKAY? NOW CAN I MAKE MYSELF MORE COFFEE?" You yell. 

"wait are we datin' re what?" Dave asks.

"I'm game if you are, cool kid, candyblood!" Terezi grins happily.

"YEAH SURE WERE DATING. NOW IM GETTING MY COFFEE!" You declare.

\---

the end happiness they fucked each other that night


End file.
